Pain Body Power of Now Dee's House

The Power of Now: Pain Body

pain body power of now

Image by: Paco S

Recently, we read a portion of one of our favorite books during group, The Power of Now. We then had a discussion with the women here. Our talk felt so important, we felt we should share some of its points here on our blog!

What this group entails is reading through a chapter or area of a book and having a conversation with the “angels” (women) at Dee’s House and its staff. Our angels are free to question, dissect and add to any ideas or concepts. All we ask is that they keep an open mind and an open heart.

Summary of What We Read

We read Past Pain: Dissolving the Pain Body (starting on page 29). Eckhart Tolle (the author) describes in this chapter, the “Pain Body”. “Accumulated pain… a negative energy field that occupies your body and mind.” Every alcoholic can relate to this. In summary of this idea: When we experienced pain, our minds (subconsciously) created a kind of alter-ego (kind of like The Hulk). This alter ego is the result of a spiritually lacking tally that we have taken since the day we were born. Each time we felt pain, that alter-ego took note and surprisingly grew with each pain experienced.


Bruce Banner (sorry for the male comic book references there is just is not a female reference for this one – boo Marvel) becomes The Hulk when he is angry and provoked. The Hulk is a manifestation of Bruce Banner’s pain body. Similarly, our pain bodies feed from our new pain and will actually manifest situations through us to create destruction so it can feed. We then end up hurting ourselves and those around us.

Take Away

What we found as we read and discussed: The pain body cannot feed on joy, contentment or your spirituality. All these things let your light shine. Like getting sober, the first step to recovering from your pain body is to acknowledge and accept that it is there, shed light onto it. This may be uncomfortable at first, to come to terms with your pain body and triggers but ask yourself something. Would you rather be uncomfortable now or forever?

Your pain body feeds on your alcoholism, your addiction and your actions when you are active in them. It gets more and more destructive as it grows stronger and the person who suffers the most is you.


Unlike Bruce Banner, we have the opportunity to deal with our pain body. We can call bull-shit at any time. With the help of people who are conquering their pain body one day at a time.

Dee's House Stinking Thinking

“Stinking Thinking” – Short Tale of A Woman On Drugs

stinking thinkin

Image by: Angelina Litvin

Women and drugs are a lethal combination when it comes to thinking with any clarity. We have all heard the phrase “stinking thinking” as it pertains to an alcoholic or addict essentially going off the rails in order to use again. Her brain just starts telling her things in order to get what it wants – more alcohol or drugs.

But we recently ran into another version of that and it was with a young woman who contacted us through our website. This young woman had been using heroin for a few years. She first started doing it to help with her meth addiction and then became addicted to the heroin to the point where it had destroyed her relationships with her family and was now threatening her job. She was using more and more which was also costing her more and more which became another problem. She contacted Dee’s House because she finally felt she needed treatment.

So, where does the “stinking thinking” come in?

Here is where: when we spoke to her (through emails only, she refused to call even though we gave our founder’s personal cell number) she told us all about the problems heroin was causing her; but when we asked her whether she was ready to come into treatment, she explained she could not unless Dee’s House could also take her dog – a small.

Our staff asked if she had someone who could look after the dog and she replied, “No, there is no one.” Since she was not on good terms with her family, they would not take her dog and she did not have friends whom she could trust.

First, what does not being able to trust her friends tell you? However, we digress, that is another story. How much did she really want treatment? We understand that she loved her dog, half our staff have dogs! But if you have a life threatening disease and need treatment, you get treatment and you do not let your dog stand in the way. Ultimately, it is not that she could not live without the dog, or that the dog would have missed her, it was an excuse not to get into treatment. She created a roadblock to treatment, a barrier; and a bogus one at that. Dee’s House does not allow dogs because we only have a maximum of six people in our program at any time. It is small and intimate, so the women here can focus on recovery and themselves.

They need to be their focus, themselves, not a dog. It is also unfair to the other women.

We could hear how she was going over it in her head, telling herself what a good person she is. How she loved this little doggy and can not simply abandon it. However, finding someone to look after your dog for a few weeks is not abandoning it. If she needed an operation and were going to a hospital, what would she have done then? You can not take the dog there. This is also treatment.

So, you see, there the stinking thinking that helps you use, then there is the stinking thinking that keeps you from getting help.

Of course, we knew she was not serious about getting treatment anyway. One reason was she just would not call us no matter how many times we asked her to. We told her she can not bring the dog, we explained why. She has not emailed us since.

Sitting at the Adult Table

As the holidays approach I remember the 48 years of holidays gone by.  As I take a moment to reflect on the family and friends that are no longer with us, and everything they contributed to make “the big event and traditions” all happen almost magically, I am transported back in time to sitting at the kid’s table with my cousins, laughing and having fun. I remember the year I felt I was too big for the kid’s table, and wondered how I could get a seat with the “big people.”

Kids Holiday Table

Image by Marco via Flickr

I had no idea what would need to take place to open a spot for me. I had no idea the responsibility and organization it requires to make all the magic happen.  I had no idea that I would take the journey through addiction and that I would spend time drinking and using. There were many times where I would be hung-over and obsessing about things, instead of gaining the skills and emotional maturity it takes to pull off the “perfect” holiday (and is there any such thing?). I had no idea I would build resentment toward a cousin who’s a kleptomaniac, who neither acknowledged her addiction or apologized for all the things she stole from me. I had no idea I would refuse to go to the only house that was paying attention to all the holiday festivities.

Recovery Center for Women

Image by Josh McGinn via Flickr

Now fast forward several years. I am now 48 years old. My grandparents are gone, as are many other family members. Two cousins my age are gone due to addiction. It’s now my turn to create magic during the holiday season. I don’t know how to cook a turkey. I can barely get bacon, eggs and toast onto a plate while they’re still hot; the bread remains cold and the butter refuses to melt.

WHY OH WHY didn’t I pay attention?

Could I have spent more time in the kitchen? Could I have listened more closely when my gramma rattled off EVERY SINGLE ingredient with DETAILED instructions EVERY time anyone told her something tasted good? How did I miss the LIFE lesson of how the f*uck to do a holiday meal?

Now I sit here, piling more shame onto myself, with the familiar burn in my stomach that reminds me just how much I suck, how I’m just not enough.  If that doesn’t do the trick, I can toss my kids into the mix.  Oh gosh, I haven’t taught my children any skills. What in the world is going to happen? It’s ALL my fault!

I sit in that familiar feeling I’ve known since birth—shame.  And then I stop, and I say out loud:

I’m gonna learn!

It’s never too late!

I can ask for support from somebody who is great at all of the holiday preparations! There are apps!

And the list goes on….

I experience an immediate energetic shift, and I’m surprised there is not a noise as my head pops out of the low vibrating energy of victim and into positive thinking.

Once that transition occurs, I am instantly filled with hope, gratitude and joy.

I’m not quite sure why I continue to put myself in my self-created “hell on earth,” but I do know that I am using my tools and getting out of the muck faster and faster.

If being happy is what I desire to be, then I am the only one who can make this happen—it’s completely and forever up to me. To let go of old negative thinking, to walk away from the intoxicating temptation of shame-based thinking, to immerse myself in my old pain—some bestowed on me, some self-created.

So watch out, adult table, here I come! And if the holiday magic I create, the turkey and the fixin’s, are terrible, then there is always pizza, and there is always next year.

Join me at the adult table, knowing that we belong there, because we have everything we need within ourselves to create a truly magical holiday.

Take your first step towards recovery at Dee’s House of Orange County. Our Drug and Alcohol Treatment Center for Women has a variety of treatment options to help you overcome alcoholism or drug addiction. Read our clients’ testimonials, or contact us today or visit us at our Southern California recovery center.